


Super Winchester Bros.

by MarmeLady_Orange



Series: THE INTERVENTION [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: And maybe a bit sad, But also serious, Fanfiction in the fanfiction, Funny, Homophobic John, Homophobic Language, Lots of dying but not for real, M/M, People like to interrupt the storyteller, Series Spoilers, Swearing, Trickster Gabriel, Verbal Abuse, Videogame style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God wants Dean and Castiel to finally get together. He has enlisted some of their friends (and non-friends) to find a way to make that happen.</p>
<p>Nobody’s surprised to know that Gabriel’s dusting off his Trickster personality for his own story. And Gabriel’s not surprised to see that pretty much everybody is hating his idea. But, frankly, he couldn’t care less. He just knows it would work wonders.</p>
<p>*****</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super Winchester Bros.

**Author's Note:**

> Might make more sense to read part 1 first, if you haven't already... The style might be confusing otherwise.
> 
> *
> 
> This is sooooooo long, I'm very sorry. I think it's because it's mostly dialogue. I hadn't done one of those anyway. Plus, I find it easier to go with dialogue if I try and do funny.
> 
> Hopefully it will read easily enough. Enjoy, and thanks for reading! You guys are marvelous!!
> 
> **

 

When Sam and Dean Winchester wake up in the middle of a field under a bright blue sky, they have to wonder if they died again. Just because the surroundings are unnaturally nice and colourful. They can hear birds chirping, bees buzzing and the tall blades of grass rustling in the wind. It’s a perfect summer day.

“Dean?”

“Yeah Sammy?” Dean replies while sitting up, blinded by the mid-day sunlight.

“Since when do you wear overalls?”

Dean looks down at himself to find that he’s indeed wearing, of all things, blue jean overalls. He turns to his brother, bringing up a hand over his eyes to act as a visor.

“I could ask the same to you! But dude… what’s with the ‘stache?”

“Like you can talk!” he bites back, shooting his fingers to his mouth.

Dean brings down his hand to his own mouth to find what feels like a full Magnum P.I. under his nose. He of course feels the need to tug furiously on it.

“Ow! What the fuck!” Dean yelps, getting on his feet.

“Don’t ask me, man. I just woke up here, same as you.” Sam replies, getting up as well.

“Guess you can’t tell where we are then?”

“Not a clue!”

“You probably can’t tell why either?”

Sam doesn’t answer and just spins around, squinting his eyes, trying to make sense of where they are.

“We’re in a field…”

“Wow! Thank God you’re here little bro’! What would I ever do without you?”

“Instead of being a jerk, you might wanna call Cas?”

“Dude’s got no wings!”

“Maybe not, but he’s got a phone and a car, he can come and pick us up!”

“But we don’t know where…”

“Just call the guy, would you?”

“ _You_ call him then…” Dean mutters to himself, not loud enough so Sam would take him up on it. It’s not like he doesn’t want to talk to Cas, it’s just that…

“Hello Dean!” the angel answers, interrupting his thoughts.

“Heya Cas! Watcha doin’?”

“Just woke up somewhere that’s not my bed. I was right about to call you.”

“Are you in a field?”

“No. Quite the contrary actually. I’m in some sort of dungeon guarded by an ugly beast.”

“What kind of beast? Are you ok?”

“I’m ok. I don’t know about the beast but it’s on the other side of a locked door. I can’t get out, but I don’t think it can come in either.”

“Ok… ‘cause me and Sam just woke up in a field. And we’re wearing overalls. And we’ve grown mustaches overnight somehow.”

“That cannot be good.”

“You tell me. It’s like I have a fucking broom under my nose.”

“I was referring to all of us waking up in weird places, but I imagine the extra facial hair can be a burden.”

“How about you? No extra anything?”

“No. No extra follicles. But I have to admit that my attire has been altered as well.”

“How?”

“It appears that everything I am wearing is now very pink.”

“Pink?”

“Yes… and also, I have what could be referred as a crown on my head. It’s gold. With many precious stones. It does look very nice.”

"Cas?"

"Yes Dean?"

"Are you a pretty little princess?"

"You know I’m an angel of the Lord, Dean. Even if at that very moment, I seem to be rather powerless."

"Uhun... and wearing pink, with a crown and imprisoned and guarded by some beast."

"I don't see how this would be making me a princess."

"You need to brush up on your fairytales, dude."

"Try videogames, Dean." Sam interjects.

"What?"

"Well... the beast, the princess, overalls and this hairy crap on our faces... what does it remind you of?"

"A very bad movie?"

"Try Super Mario Bros."

"That's what I said..."

"I mean the game, Dean. We're in the Super Mario Bros. game. And judging by our clothing, you're Mario and I'm Luigi."

"The little mustachioed dudes that stomp on turds and turtles?"

"Well... yeah, basically."

“What are you talking about Dean?” asks Castiel, only hearing one half of the conversation. Not that it would make any difference to him anyway.

“Sam seems to think we’ve been sent into a videogame. And, well… you’re the princess we have to rescue.”

“I’m an angel of the…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But you tell me you’re being kept prisoner in a dungeon and you have no powers. You just might need some rescuing there, Buttercup.”

“Fine!” Castiel finally breathes.

“So, your GPS should be activated on your phone, we’ll track you down and come find you, alright?”

“Alright!”

“Just don’t do anything stupid, we’ll get to you!”

And Dean hangs up before starting up the GPS app to find out where Castiel could have been taken. He hopes they’re in the same state, country, or at least on the same plane of existence. Sadly, the GPS thingy doesn’t help, it can’t find Cas. It can’t even find Sam who’s right next to him. Apparently, there’s no coverage and yet, he just talked to his friend. Something’s certainly smelling fishy.

“Gabriel did this.” Sam announces suddenly.

“The guy’s dead Sam…”

“Yeah, he must have faked it ‘cause I have a new app on my phone with his face on it.”

“What? That fucker! Show me!”

And there it is, on Sam’s phone, Gabriel’s gorgeous smug as an icon. Dean presses on it, happily pressing harder as if he could squish it, and the application opens. It starts up a video of the archangel who starts with the following fast-paced infomercial-inspired pitch.

**“Sam and Dean, welcome to your very own Super Winchester Bros. video game. I know you are worried but I promise you this will be the most fun you’ve ever had. The main goal, if you haven’t guessed already, is to rescue the princess. Well, to rescue Castiel, but it’s all the same. *wink wink* You have 4 different levels to go through in order to get to him. You’ll need to beat the big bad monster in order to leave with your prize. This application you opened will serve as your compass to find the path. When you find it, stay on it. If you step away, you’ll be brought back to the start. Demons and angels will try to stop you, you can run or kill them with the weapons you’ll grab on the way. If one of you dies, you’ll BOTH be brought back to the start. It’s a videogame babies, you should know how this works. GAME ON!”**

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_CHARLIE: Woah! I’ve had this happen to me once. Trippy!_

_JIMMY: You were in Super Mario Bros.?_

_CHARLIE: No, another game. It was this djinn that fed on fears and yeah… not a fun memory AT ALL. Dean would not like this._

_SAM: I don't think anybody would._

_GABRIEL: My genius is a misunderstood one._

_\---------------------------------------_

 

Gabriel’s face disappears from the screen and instead, it’s some very basic map. Castiel’s face, complete with a golden crown on his head, is at the bottom of the screen with a path leading to it. Two dots are flickering, not to far from the other end of the path.

“That must be us!” Sam says, pointing to them.

“Let’s start walking then. At least see which direction we should take.” Dean says, going one way. Sam follows but stops almost immediately.

“Wrong way Dean! Follow me, I have the phone.”

Not to be pissy, but Dean quickly checks his own phone to see if he too has the Gabriel application, but he doesn’t. With nothing better to do but walk, he decides to call Cas back.

“Hello Dean!”

“Hi Cas! Anything new on your end?”

“No. My clothes are still pink and I am still powerless.”

“Right… Well, thought you’d like to know this is all Gabriel’s doing.”

“I thought it would.”

“You knew he was alive?”

“No. I’m just not surprised he is though. What are you doing now?”

“Well, Sam was right, we’re going to rescue a princess.”

“…”

“You, Cas!”

“Oh! Okay, I’ll wait here then.”

“If anything happens, you’ll call us, right?”

“I will.”

Dean hangs up, satisfied. At least, Cas didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger.

“I think we’re getting very close, Dean.” Sam said before disappearing into thin air.

“Sammy? Dean panics, understandably.

“Found it!” Sam says, reappearing again and grabbing his brother by the arm. “Come on!”

All of a sudden, there’s this shift in the air. Under their feet, instead of soil and grass, is an old brick road, about three meters wide and stretching forward as far as the eye can see. It wouldn’t be so unsettling if it wasn’t for the numerous crates floating in the air. Big wooden boxes that would look pretty normal would they just be on the ground.

And yes, there are fucking pipes coming out of the ground here and there.

“Woah!”

“I know…”

Both brothers are flabbergasted.

“Dude, we’re in the fucking Mario game!” Dean breathes.

“Yup! And here comes trouble… Koopas.”

“Huh?”

“The turtles!”

“Shit! Demons or angels?”

“I guess we’ll find out. But we don’t have weapons.”

“Then let’s run for it!”

The hunters, or should we say plumbers for now, start running towards the turtle things, mainly because they can’t run in any other direction. When they get close enough to the weird animals, Dean can see their eyes glowing blue.

“They’re angels! Get out of their way!” and Dean jumps. It’s more by instinct than design but that’s how he discovers that the laws of physics don’t work the same in this reality. And it’s kind of awesome. But he also learns that the wooden crates hanging in the sky are hard as fuck!

“Dean! Grab the burger!” Sam yells.

“What burger?”

“It’ll fall from the crates, run!”

So he runs and gets to the burger just before it hits the ground. He doesn’t even think twice and devours it, almost swallowing it whole. It doesn’t taste like much but he does feel this insane boost of energy, as if he just slept for a whole 8 hours.

“Nice, right? Got one myself just before!” he hears Sam say from above him. He’s standing on the crates. “I also got a weapon!” he adds, showing off his brand new shotgun.

“Hey! I want one of those!”

“Keep hitting the crates! Got this when I grabbed a flower that popped out. If I see another one, I’ll let you have it.”

So they continue on the brick road, encountering more “angels” and then some “demons” in the forms of Goombas… or wobbling turds as Dean prefers to call them. The good news is that the shotguns they get from the flowers will work on both enemies, so they don’t need to worry about it too much.

It’s Sam who has the idea of going down the first pipe they encounter, arguing that in the game those often were shortcuts. Dean is not a fan of the plan but he follows his brother. That’s how they die for the first time, the pipe leading them directly into a fire pit with no chance of survival.

Dean would normally be pissed to be sent back at the start of the road, but since they’re not really dead, he decides he’s pretty ok with that. So they start running again, going a little bit faster than before because they had gone through it once already. It’s on Dean when they die the second time, again because of a pipe. But how could he have known that a demon would be crawling out at the exact moment Dean stepped on it.

Both brothers are a little bit more frustrated now. They got over the dying/reviving thing real quick and are now eager to be done with that damn level. They almost die a third time, but Dean’s lucky, once again. When he jumps to avoid a group of angels, he discovers a hidden crate containing, of all things, pie!

Not only is it amazingly good, but it makes him feel like a million bucks. And he’s glowing, which is kinda weird. That’s when he hears Sam scream behind him.

“Dean! Run! You’re invincible, kill ‘em all!!!” so Dean runs like the devil himself is on his heels.

Sam’s following him closely, making sure not to get knocked over by residual demons or angels. On the path in front of them sits a door. There’s no building or walls, just a door in its frame. Dean doesn’t hesitate. He opens it and dashes through it, making sure his brother follows him before closing the door.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_SAM: You know that at some point, we would have tried to call upon you, right?_

_GABRIEL: I know…_

_SAM: Yet, you’re not including it in your story?_

_GABRIEL: Well, I’d like to think that since you guys know how I operate by now, you’d just get with the program and play the game._

_SAM: I seriously don’t see how this will make Dean and Cas be together._

_GABRIEL: Well, listen closely then, you might learn a thing or two._

_\---------------------------------------_

 

They’re still on a path but the location is very different. The sky’s still blue and the grass is still green, but now the road now sits on top of a mountain. It would probably be ok if it didn’t stop abruptly only to start on another peak further away. The only way to get to it seems to be to jump on floating platforms. And they’ve lost their guns.

“Son of a bitch!” growls Dean, clearly uncomfortable.

“I wonder if it’s the kind that drops when you touch them.”

“What?” Dean cries, horrified.

“Like in the real game. Some of these platforms would drop as soon as you jumped on them so you’d have to be like, really quick.”

“Fuck!”

“Only one way to know.” says Sam, taking a step back to run and jump towards the first platform.

“Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…” he yells as he drops into the void, before reappearing next to Dean. “Well, I guess that’s that.” he offers before running to jump again.

This time, thanks to his ridiculously long legs, he makes it across swiftly, sending all the platforms plunging into the abyss. When he gets to the other mountain top, he stops and turns around, expecting to see his brother by his side. Seeing him still at the start makes him throw his hands in the air, exasperated.

“Dean! What the hell?” he shouts.

“How do you want me to do this, all the thingies have dropped.”

Dean sees his brother jump down from his mountain.

“Sammyyyyyy!”

“We gotta do this together Dean. We run and jump together.” Sam says when he reappears next to him.

“Would you stop doing that? And… it’s hiiiiigh!”

“Don’t be a baby! We can hold hands if you want.”

“Yeah, okay, right… Not gonna happen, Samantha!” Dean huffs, embarrassed.

“Follow me then!”

And Sam runs again towards the platforms, satisfied to hear his brother’s footsteps behind him. He jumps from one to the next effortlessly. Dean’s grunts seem to indicate that he’s not doing so well himself. As soon as he gets to the next summit, he turns around, just in time to see his brother propulse himself from the dropping podium, but he’s pretty low already. Sam quickly drops to the ground and sends out his hand to catch his brother’s and haul him up.

They take a second to catch their breaths, sitting on the path. Dean looks ahead and sees they have to do the same thing again, but this time, there are turtle-angels flying their way. They’re still a bit far, but they’d better move before they get too close.

“Flying dicks at 12 O’Clock!” he says, getting up quickly. Of course, he bumps his head on another hidden crate. Motherfucker!

“You got a flower Dean, that means we can shoot them.”

“Yeah well, we also need to run and jump and not die.”

“Take the gun and run up first. I have longer legs, I should be able to follow even with the things dropping.”

“Fine!” Dean says, grabbing the flower which transforms into a shotgun.

The run across the second crevasse goes better than the first, Dean happily shooting at the turtles, making them explode. It’s not even gross, it’s even pretty, all glitters and light.

They’re thankful to get to a longer stretch of road with a couple of crates. They each get a burger and there’s another flower-gun-thing for Sam. Then there’s another crevasse, which they cross quickly. From that last peak, they see the terrain in front of them has dropped considerably. Like a plateau, and the door’s right there on the path. No other mountains are in sight.

“What now?” Dean asks.

“Well, we’re almost done so that’s good. We just need to get to the door but I doubt we can just jump there.”

“I don’t think so either. And I’m not a fan of dying and starting over again.” he says, shooting at a flying turtle that’s been hovering around.

“Dean!!!”

“Wha’?”

“You really don’t remember the game, do you? You might have just shot what we needed to get to the door.”

“A stupid turtle?”

“Yeah, _flying_ turtle. We don’t have platforms, but what if we jump on the turtle to use it as leverage for our next jump?”

“I don’t think we both fit on a turtle at once.”

“Maybe not… unless one grabs onto the other.”

“That’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“I don’t… whatever!”

“So, what’s it gonna be? Top or bottom?” Dean says with a smirk.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_SAM: Come on Gabriel!_

_GABRIEL: Don’t tell me he wouldn’t be making that joke._

_SAM: …_

_CHARLIE: I know I would._

_GABRIEL: The cosmic twin has spoken so let it be true._

_\---------------------------------------_

 

Sam is starting to curse his own grandiose physique when it is quickly decided that he should be the one jumping with those long legs of his. Plus, he probably has the most upper body strength if his muscular arms and torso are anything to go by.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_MARY: Are you flirting with my son?_

_SAM: Aaarg… Kill me now…_

_GABRIEL: I don’t flirt… I say it like it is… and if I like, I take._

_CHUCK: No, you don’t._

_GABRIEL: But…_

_SAM: I agree with Ch-od!_

_CHUCK: Really Sam? Chod? Call me Chuck, I don’t care!_

_MARY: What is it with my sons and angels?_

_SAM: Mom! I swear! Only Dean’s got the hots for an angel._

_GABRIEL: Whatever you say, Pookie…_

_SAM: Just shut up already!_

_GABRIEL: Can’t! Got a story to tell!_

_\---------------------------------------_

 

They start over again and it all goes well, until it all turns to shit. Sam jumps on the turtle, his brother on his back. It gives him what he needs to jump again to the path but they were still too high. They die on impact and get sent back to the start.

“Son of a bitch!” yells Dean at the prospect of doing it all over again.

They get cocky and that next time they can’t make it to the third mountain.

“Son of a bitch!” echoes again in the neverending afternoon. And then again when Sam misses the final turtle.

Thankfully, that’s the last time they start over and they’re so pumped when they finally get to the plateau that when a horde of demon-turds appears between them and the door they don’t even care and just shoot the life out of every single one of them. There might be a couple of feral grunts thrown in there too. But they don’t talk about it. Instead, they get through the door.

Being thrown in the water when you’re next to a pool can’t be all that surprising, and it can even be fun. Being thrown in some cartoonish ocean when just a second before you were on a mountain, it’s beyond surprising. Abruptly startling might start to cover it.

“Man, my boots!” is the first thing Dean can muster to say. How a curse or the infamous _“son of a bitch”_ was not even a choice is another surprising thing.

“Come on Dean, let’s get to this little island.”

It’s indeed very little, they can barely both sit on it. But they need to take a breather. Dean remembers the Mario game and he knows there were underwater levels in. He wonders if they’ll get to do this one mermaid style. Not the supernatural kind, thank you very much, more like Ariel. Curious, Dean jumps back in the water, winking at his brother. He then lets himself get submerged and waits.

“Crap! Not a mermaid!” he croaks when he comes back up, spitting out water and breathing heavy.

“Would have been too easy I guess.”

“But there’s crates and angels and demons down there. We’re gonna have to do some diving.”

Dean jumps back on the island and takes his phone from his pocket. Somehow, it’s dry and seems to be functional. Might as well call Cas, see how he’s doing.

“Hello Dean!”

“Hey! How ‘you holding up?”

“Fine, I guess… nothing is happening.”

“Yeah, be glad. We’ve been doing all sorts of shit to get to you. You better be thankful.”

“I am, Dean.”

“I know, was only kidding. So I’m glad you’re doing okay, we’ll be there soon!”

“Okay, bye Dean, be careful.”

“So, how’s your princess?” Sam asks, grinning widely.

“He’s fine… wait… We’re both in this man, if anything, he’s _our_ princess.”

“Yeah, whatever you say! Shall we?”

They jump back in the water and take a deep breath. Under the surface, it’s a lot like the first world they encountered except that the creatures are now swimming. And they’re fucking fast too. Dean signals his brother to a bundle of crates and they paddle to them, hoping they’ll get at least one shotgun. They get two, but they both need to get back to the surface to breathe.

“Fuck, that one’s gonna be tough!”

“Yeah…” Sam can only manage to say before he’s pulled down in the water. Instantly, they’re back at the start.

“Aw man! We can’t even breathe in peace?”

“Seems like we can’t… let’s be extra careful then.”

So they go diving back, find the crates and the guns and go back up to breathe. This time, they’re quick about it and go back down just in time to shoot a load in a demon’s brown smug. They swim fast, keeping an eye on the path at the bottom. They see it disappear into a pipe. Sam signals his brother that he needs to breathe so they swim back up.

“Another pipe! We won’t have a choice this time, the path goes through it.”

“We might not get the fiery pits of hell while under water, right?”

“I wouldn’t bet my life on it. Let’s go!”

They dive back down and aim directly for the pipe, swimming until they get to an elbow. Thankfully, they just need to let themselves float back to the surface. They just have a couple of steps to climb on the pipe's ladder to reach the top.

When they finally get out of the pipe, they’re not underwater anymore. Before them, the path stretches through little unstable islands. All around them, fish-demon thingies are flying around.

“I’m gonna kill Gabriel!” snarls Dean as one of the demon lands on his face, effectively sending them both back to the very beginning.

“Oh fuck this shit, man!!!” he screams again.

“Woohoo, booooys!” sing-songs a high-pitched voice. They look around and see, on the little island, a superb siren. She’s all curly blond hair and has a shimmering amber fish tail. She’s waving at them, signaling them to come closer.

“Dean! It’s a siren! Didn’t you learn anything from that other time?” spits Sam when Dean starts swimming her way.

“We’re in a game Sam, I don’t think it’s that kind of siren.”

“Well, just in case you don’t remember, there weren’t any sirens in Super Mario Bros.”

“No? Then, what is she doing here then?”

“Ooooh!” Sam just replies before starting to swim towards the island himself.

“Wait, you said we shouldn’t…”

Sam doesn’t listen and quickly gets to the island.

“Gabriel…” he just says to the creature when he gets close enough.

“Aw man! And here I thought we’d be having a little fun before you guessed.” he replies, changing back into his usual form.

“What’s all this?”

“What do you think, it’s a game doofus! And you’re playing it, which is great.”

Dean, who had heard his brother call the siren Gabriel, goes to the crates down below and grabs a gun. When he comes back up, he unloads a couple of rounds on the archangel, which doesn’t phase him one bit.

“Dean… really? You can’t kill me here, and certainly not with that.”

“Oh, I know… But Christ, was it satisfying.”

“So, Sam… now that your trained monkey did his little show, what do you say we go back to business? Did you check the options on my little application there? Of course you didn’t.”

Sam grabs his phone, also miraculously undamaged by the water, and starts up the app. Thankfully, Gabriel’s little video doesn’t start again. It’s only Cas’ face and their two dots blinking halfway on the path. That’s when he sees the little question mark at the bottom and he taps on it. Both his and Dean’s face appear with numbers next to them. He has 7 while Dean has 10.

“What are those?” he asks, even though he’s pretty sure he already knows.

“You probably thought you could die and come back indefinitely, right? Actually, yes, at first, you could. But you know what, I’ve been looking at you two and, you’re not learning a damn thing.”

“Might help to know what it is we need to learn.”

“What’s the fun in that, Sammy-boy?”

“Son…”

“Son of a bitch, I know Dean… Get a new one already, would you?”

“What happens if we run out of lives?” Sam asks.

“You’re game over… and I mean _over_!”

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_MARY: Wait, you can’t do that!_

_ELLEN: That’s not fair._

_SAM: That’s his game, he’s done it before._

_CROWLEY: I never thought I’d say this, but I kinda like you angel. You’re probably as twisted as I am._

_GABRIEL: If only I cared…_

_JO: Well, he can’t do that, can he?_

_CHUCK: Kids, you’re forgetting, it’s only a story for now._

_CHARLIE: Yeah, for now!_

_MARY: Who says he won’t do it anyways? He has that power._

_GABRIEL: I promise you, I don’t care about them that much. Not sure it’s worth the trouble, honestly. Plus, Sammy's right here, there'd be no element of surprise anymore._

_\---------------------------------------_

 

Gabriel flies out before Dean can put his hands on him. So the wet hunter jumps on the island, next to his brother.

“I guess we need to plan better then.” he says.

“Yes. And we need to start thinking about how we’ll get through the flying things after the pipe.”

“We need pie! For real, I mean, when I got the pie earlier, it made me all invincible and shit. If we get that again, we can just run through it.”

“I guess… I haven’t seen a pie come out of any of the crate though.”

“Maybe it’s hidden. It was last time. Let’s go take a look around.”

That’s just what they do, swimming around, blasting enemies with their guns, coming up for air, going back down to search and kill some more. Until Sam remembers how the game worked back in the days. He goes over to the pipe but instead of going in, he goes over it. And there it is, an invisible crate he finds with his forehead. He can’t very well scream out to his brother so he grabs the pie and swims back to Dean.

When he sees the pie, Dean grabs it and eats it before swimming like crazy towards the pipe. Maybe he should have waited to take in some oxygen but he's lucky enough to make it in time to the pipe's elbow and pushes himself up until he can grab the ladder.

He stops glowing the minute he gets out of the pipe and, again, he gets slapped in the head by a fish turd thing. Back to square one.

" What?" Dean spits when he sees the disdained look his brother sends him.

"Didn't you listen to anything Gabriel said?"

"The guy's a prick, Sammy!"

"Even so... he wants us to learn something, we just can't be taking any rash decisions."

"Fine then... what have we learned so far?"

"Apart from you being a glutton?"

"Oh, funny, ha ha! But yeah, b'sides that."

"Well I guess we have to think before we act... and discuss? Strategize?"

"Don't we always do that?"

"I can probably name a few occasions..."

"Yeah, okay. So, what should we do now?"

"Okay, the pies only work for a little while. So, if we wait until we're out of the pipe before taking it, we might make it across the flying fishies."

"Makes sense."

"And I think I should eat the pie."

"Woah, dude! It's pie, my name's all over that shit."

"Yeah well, I'm taller and I have a better chance of knocking out more demons than you would. Hence eating the pie and running in front."

"But it's pie..." he whines.

"Really Dean? You'll throw a tantrum over this?"

"Shut up! Take the stupid pie and run, I don't care."

They dive back in the water and do just like Sam planned, which works marvelously. They get to another pipe which they don't have a choice to use once again. After jumping around in the empty space surrounding it, they find there's no hidden crate and jump down the pipe.

Once again, no fiery pit, just another stretch of ocean, filled with even more angels and demons. Thankfully, they still have their guns but they quickly need to find the surface to stock up on oxygen. Sadly, there seems to be some canopy or whatever on the surface and they can't find a place to emerge in time. The death's on Sam this time.

Back at the beginning, once again, Sam takes a minute to check the game's application and taps on the question mark. Thankfully, seems only the first who dies loses a life each time. Dean died that time before so he's now at 9. Sam's down to 6.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_SAM: To think that Crowley said my story was long._

_CROWLEY: At least the angel's one has action in it... yours didn't so much._

_SAM: Ok, so now you're a fan of Gabriel, is that it?_

_CROWLEY: Are you jealous, Moose? Want us to be besties?_

_GABRIEL: You can have him, Samsquatch, I’m good!_

_\---------------------------------------_

 

They try once more and Dean dies again when he gets snapped by a fish angel right before he can resurface in the third part of the water level. He's down to 8. Thankfully, they make it to the underwater door before dying again, but barely. They just have time to go through it and slam it in the face of close to a dozen turtles.

Finally, they're done with the third level, it had been the hardest one so far. Of course they'd keep getting harder and harder. Except, for now, it's hard to say how much harder this last stretch will be. They can't see anything, it's like they've been dropped in an inkwell. Or just a regular well, that'd work too.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you see something?"

"Nope..." he answer before activating his phone. "I got the flashlight app., do you?"

"Nah, didn't think I'd need it."

"But I bet you got porn apps."

"Well, those I use!"

"I bet..."

They start walking forward, not that they really have a choice. They are in some kind of tunnel made of stones, the same grey ones as the path. It's both creepy and awesome, thinks Dean. He wonders if he gets reception down here, even if something tells him that he does but only to reach Cas. Which, by itself, is a whole other bunch of weird. It's not like the guy can do anything to help.

They've been walking for what seems like a long time when they get to a wall with two doors. Both are the same, all wood, no window or distinctive markings. They have a 50% chance to go forward or start back at the beginning. They decide Dean should go first since he's got two lives over Sam.

Good thing they do because as soon as Dean goes in the door on the right, they're sent back at the start. They walk back to the doors and Dean goes again, still having 7 lives. He's pretty confident when he enters the left door. When nothing happens, he continues so his brother can follow. Then they're back at the beginning again.

"What the fuck did you do?" yells Dean, exasperated.

"Nothing... I just followed you through the door." He checks their statuses on his phone. "Dean, I lost a life, I'm down to 5."

"But how? Were you attacked or something?"

"If I was, I never saw anything."

They start walking back towards the doors again. Having reached them, they stop, uneasy.

"Now what?" Sam asks.

"Wanna try again? It seemed okay when I went in the door on the left."

"Something we didn't see might have attacked us then. I'll go first this time, but with my phone up for light, alright?"

"Okay, I'll be right behind you!"

But Dean can't even make it to the door before they're both back at the start again.

"What the hell? yelps Sam, truly nervous now.

"I don't know man, but you gotta stop doing that."

"Like it's on purpose. I don't get it."

"Let's walk to the doors again and then we'll try to figure it out, alright?

"Alright."

They walk back to the doors and sit on the floor. They're both tired, hungry and thirsty. Not that it ever really was, but this game was less and less amusing. Dean, suddenly inspired, takes his phone and calls Castiel again.

"Hello Dean! Will you be there soon?"

"Herrr... well, yeah, Cas... about that, we're a bit stomped so it might take a little while."

"Not too long I hope. I do find that whole thing quite boring."

"Boring? Fuck you, Cas... we're here getting our asses kicked and you're complaining about being bored?"

"I just mean I'd rather be usefull than stuck here playing hostage."

"Well, we could probably use you too. We have to chose between two doors but which ever we choose, we die and have to start over."

"And you tried all combinations?"

"What do you mean, combinations? There's right, then there's left, two doors, Cas."

"Dean, I think I know where he's getting at. What if we have to use different doors?"

"Oh, hell no!" Dean spits.

“Well it’s either that or we stay here forever. Or keep on dying until we’re really game over.”

“But Sam…”

“Dean, that might Gabriel’s lesson. Learning to be on our own.”

“So, you say that I have to _let you go_?”

“Or me you… We don’t know what’s gonna happen when we go our separate ways. But somehow, I doubt I should be the one rescuing Cas. And I think you need to do this on your own.”

“Dean?” asks Castiel, still on the phone.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“I think your brother might be right.”

“How would you know, you’re stuck in a jail somewhere.”

“Indeed. But I still have a functioning brain, and it makes sense.”

“Fine, we’ll try, but I don’t like it.”

“Of course you don’t. See you soon.” offers Castiel before hanging up.

“So, you went in the left door and went through without a hitch,” starts Sam, “so it must mean I should be able to go through the right one.”

“I guess we have to try.” replies Dean, gloomy.

“If anything, we’ll be back at the start and we’ll think of something else, ok?” Sam says before opening his door and walking in.

Dean is expecting to be sent back at the beginning again but nothing happens. He goes to his own door, swearing under his breath. When both men have gone through, the doors shut close behind them.

Dean is once again standing in a pitch black environment. He takes his phone and turns it on at least have a little bit of lighting. First thing on his to-do list when they get back is to download that stupid flashlight app!

The light from his phone is pretty dim but it’s enough to see where he’s going. It’s a lot like where they just were, bricks from floor to ceiling. Thankfully, no critters seem to be roaming around down here so all he needs to do is walk towards the actual light at the end of the tunnel.

The closer he gets, the more it looks like what he’s walking towards is some pool of exploding laval. “Of course it would be” he thinks bitterly. He’s hoping that when he gets there, Sammy will appear somewhere, just having taken another road to get to the same place.

When suddenly everything is darkness again, Dean is this close, _this close_ , to start weeping.

“Dean?” says Sam in a small voice.

“What happened?”

“The door brought me outside with instructions to chill and wait for you guys to come out.”

“Okay… how do you get killed chilling?”

“I went to sit in the grass…”

“You left the path? Jesus, Sammy!”

“Sorry, I thought I was done!”

“Yeah well, sit on the road next time, will you? You only got 3 lives left.”

“I know… so, what did you see?”

“Another tunnel, leading to a volcano or something, didn’t have time to reach it.”

“Woah…”

“Yeah! Come on, let’s go.”

They each take their door again and Dean is pretty confident about the second tunnel so he walks faster. He was right about it leading to a lava pool, or volcano. And the path turns into a bridge going over it. There are flying turtles, wobbling turds walking the path and lava fireballs shooting up. It’s a big whole mess! Thankfully, three crates are hovering over his head and he punches them all. He gets a burger, a pie and a flower.

When he’s done with the burger, he considers the pie. Eating it would ensure he’d cross the bridge quickly and unharmed. But whatever’s at the other end might be much worse. He could also cross it slower but while shooting at everything and avoiding fireballs. Then he’d have the pie for whatever comes next.

Dean thinks that’s a great plan and marches to the bridge. He shoots the angels, and he shoots the demons, and he evades the mighty lava orbs. He feels like Rambo. When he’s finally on the other side, he sees the beast further down on the path. It’s cloaked in darkness at the moment, but he can see that it’s big and he can hear it snarling.

“Time for pie!” he mutters before shoving it all in his mouth.

He runs towards the beast, glowing with delicious invincibility-flavoured pie. Maybe Dean should not have been screaming while doing so, because it does attract the beast’s attention. It straightens up from its crouching position and turns its figure into the light. Dean halts when he sees its face.

“Dad?” he mumbles before being sent flying in the lava pit.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_MARY: You really are an obnoxious one, aren’t you?_

_SAM: You have no idea mom._

_GABRIEL: I don’t think I need to justify myself to any of you._

_CHUCK: I do admit that you’re going a bit far there, son._

_GABRIEL: Did you hear what John Winchester said before you sent him back? Did you?_

_MARY: John has his issues, that doesn’t make him a bad person._

_GABRIEL: Well, he WAS in hell at some point, so…_

_CHUCK: Enough Gabriel! Just… get it over with, will you?_

_\---------------------------------------_

 

The brothers are right back at the start of the tunnels.

“What happened, Dean?”

“The monster’s Dad.”

“What?”

“It looks like our dad. And the pie’s mojo? Not working on him.”

“Did you have a gun?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get to try it.”

“Okay… next time then?”

“And what if it doesn’t work Sammy? How many lives do I have now?”

“You still got 6. Make them count.”

This time, when Dean gets to the bridge and the three crates, he eats both the burger and the pie and runs like crazy, clutching to the gun. The dad-beast gets up again when Dean calls to him, thinking he’d rather shoot the motherfucker in the face than in the back.

“Shit, shit, shit, shiiiit…” are Dean’s last words once he realises the shotgun’s as effective as the pie was.

“FUCK!” Dean screams when he’s back at the start again.

“Guess the gun didn’t work either.”

“You’re a real genius.”

“Don’t take it out on me, dude. I wish I could help, I really do. What about Cas?”

“What about him?”

“Can’t he do anything from his end?”

“Dunno.” replies Dean, grabbing his phone to call the angel.

“Hello…”

“Cas, can you see the bridge?”

“The bridge? Yes, I can see the bridge when I look through the door’s window. But I don’t see you.”

“You can’t. I got there before but I got sent back to the start. The beast is my dad.”

“It is?”

“Yup! And I can’t kill it with the shotgun or the pie.”

“Dean, I doubt that pie could…”

“Shut up, I’ll explain later. But, is there anything where you are that could help me?”

“There’s nothing in the room. I don’t even have my angel blade.”

“Fuck… ok!”

“Want me to try and talk to him?”

“Who, Gabriel?”

“No, your father.”

“It’s not really my father Cas, it just has his face. And I doubt it’ll want to be best buddies with its prisoner.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“I don’t know, Cas… you can if you want, I mean. What else could happen, right?”

“So, you’re coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Me and Sam are trying to think of something.”

“Okay. I’ll wait for you.”

Dean hangs up again and exhales loudly, eyes closed and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You’ll save him, Dean.”

“Yeah yeah… I’m just fed up, you know? Fucking Gabriel…”

“I know… maybe the boss needs something from you.”

“The boss?”

“Yeah, the big-monster-to-beat, that’s how it’s usually called.”

“Oh… okay, so this _boss_ might want something from me? Should I give him the pie maybe?”

“Forget about the fucking pie, Dean. No, maybe something you could have picked-up on the way but you just didn’t know about it.”

“Sooooo… what you’re saying is…?”

“Well, try to not get killed and talk to it?”

“Aaah! Why not, what have I got to lose, right?”

When Dean has again crossed the bridge, he stops, hoping he’s far enough to be out of reach of the dad-beast.

“Cas?” he calls, keeping an eye on the dark form.

“Dean?” he hears back, but he doesn’t see his friend. The boss stands up and starts walking towards him. “I tried to talk to it but it won’t answer me.” Castiel adds.

“That’s fine, don’t worry. Are you ok?”

“Yes, I am. You?”

“I’m good! I’ll get you out of there!”

“I won’t let my boy be a sissy!” the beast growls.

“What the hell?” Dean mutters.

“NO! SISSY!” it growls again, coming towards Dean.

“What’s that about?”

“My boys are manly men and they want women.” it snarls, getting closer.

“Look, boss-dude, I don’t know what your kids are doing but I couldn’t give a flying f…”

“DAMMIT!” Dean yells when he’s back at the start.

“What happened?” Sam just says, flashing his phone down the path and starting to walk.

“The beast thing started talking about its kids being manly men and liking chicks and that he doesn’t want sissies and shit, like, who the fuck cares, you know? All I want is to gank the thing and get Cas back.”

“Oh…”

“Oh what?”

“Well… you say the thing looks like dad. And now he’s talking shit about gay people? And you gotta save Cas?”

“Yeah, and…?”

“Just let it sink in…”

“Well, Cas ain’t gay! He had sex with that reaper chick, and he clearly had a thing for his boss lady, and for Meg…”

“Think a little harder…”

“Well, I certainly ain’t gay, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Never said you were. But you do like Cas, don’t you?”

“Well, of course I do.”

“No, I mean… you LIKE Cas.”

“…”

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Shut up!”

“I won’t… since it might be why this is happening.”

“Thought it was about you and I.”

“Actually, it might only be about you and your relationships. With me and with Cas. Even with Dad maybe.”

“I’ll kill Gabriel, I swear I will.”

“Okay, but to do that, you have to beat the game first.”

“How?”

“I don’t know…”

They each get through their door, but Dean doesn’t start going towards the bridge right away. Instead, he grabs his phone again to call Cas.

“Hello Dean!”

“Hey Cas…”

“What happened?”

“Not sure… Sam’s now convinced the game’s all about me. And my relationships to both of you. Mostly…”

“Us? I can see what you mean for Sam, being independent from each other. But me? How would me being in a dungeon be…”

“Listen for a sec, okay? I… my dad, well, the beast, was going on about his boys liking girls and not wanting sissies for kids.”

“But that’s not really your father…”

“That’s just it, it kinda is. This is how my dad would talk to us. Real men like chicks, and booze, and guns, and cars and rock music.”

“You do like all of this.”

“I do, but I like other stuff too.”

“Things you feel he wouldn’t approve of?”

“I know he wouldn’t…”

“Is it something bad?”

“No…”

“But you fear he wouldn’t accept whatever it is. I guess the game is that you have to stand up to your father Dean, be your own person.”

“Makes sense I guess.”

Dean still hasn’t said what he wanted to say at first, but he’s not as willing as he was before making the call. He hangs up and makes his way again to Cas and the beast, as quickly as he can. He’s worried he’ll lose the little courage he has left.

As always, the dad-beast is crouching in the dark corner and he stands up as soon as he hears Dean.

“Hey you!” he yells.

“How you’re deceiving me boy!” snarls the fake John Winchester.

It stings.

“At least I’m still alive.” he snaps back. John doesn’t falter.

“You’ve made friends with abominations.” growls John.

Dean thinks of Benny. It hurts.

“At least I have friends!” he spits back. For the first time, he sees John hesitate.

“But you let your human friends get killed.” John fights dirty.

“Don’t give me that! You got Bill Harvelle killed!” replies Dean. John takes a step back.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_ELLEN: Shit…_

_JO: …_

_MARY: Is this true, Ellen?_

_ELLEN: …_

_SAM: Stop it Gabriel!_

_GABRIEL: I’m not done._

_SAM: We fucking get it, alright?_

_GABRIEL: I’m almost done, no worries._

_MARY: I think you should end it. Now._

_CROWLEY: I thought my bit was rough, I can’t believe you’re going there mate._

_GABRIEL: I’m the trickster. They need to learn._

_SAM: Fuck you!_

_JIMMY: How… you’re cursing at an angel… that’s not…_

_CHARLIE: Jimmy? Really not the time!_

_\---------------------------------------_

 

And the war rages on, John accusing and insulting Dean about anything and everything. Dean getting more and more angry, finding the words to fight back, stand up, finally. They both give and take like boxers on a ring, but instead of their fists, it's their mouths that are giving the blows.

“You’re a filthy homo!” John finally barks.

Dean has to swallow back his defense mechanisms and reach for the truth.

“Not so much! I’ll give you bisexual if I have to label myself! Only because I like this person and what he is don’t matter to me.” he sputters back, maybe not sounding as assertive as he should have.

“No son of mine’s gonna be a sissy.” John growls again.

“Be glad you still got Sam and Adam to fall back on then ‘cause if being in love with a powerful Angel of the Lord makes me a sissy, then so be it. I don’t fucking care!” he yells back, much more confident now.

The dad-beast flinches again and falls to the ground. It’s not dead, but it does look at the end of its rope.

“You don’t deserve to be my son…” the beast croaks, panting.

Surprisingly enough, Dean does not waver at the thought.

“You’re NOT my dad, you’re just a thing. And I couldn’t give a flying fuck what you think.”

And the boss evaporates, game over, Dean wins. He drops on the floor, trembling.

“Dean?” Cas had opened his cell’s door when Dean vanquished the beast.

“Hey Cas! You ok?”

“Yes… how about you?”

“‘m fucking tired!”

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Castiel helps Dean get to his feet and they go through the door that materialized in place of the beast. On the other side are the harsh afternoon sun and Sam, who’s pacing nervously on the path.

“Guys! Thank God you’re okay! What happened?”

“Let’s talk about it later, alright?”

“Congrats Dean-O, you beat the big bad daddy-monster!” Gabriel says cheerily, clapping his hands, when he appears in front of them. “I’m very proud of you!”

“Fuck you so very much Gabriel!” Dean offers back, glaring at the angel.

“Yeah, I know, and you’ll kill me. See if I care! I just wanted to congratulate you all and I’ll be sending you back home. I just hope you learned your lessons now, you hear? I wouldn’t want to have to come back and teach it all over again. Toodles!”

That’s when they all wake up, each in their own bed, as if they had never gone anywhere. Of course, the first thing they each do is think they had the weirdest dream ever. Then they see their clothes. Dean doesn’t really care about the overalls, but he cares about the mop of hair under his nose and of course, it’s still there. Fucking Gabriel. Dean’s suddenly feeling very dirty.

Before he can even think of getting out of bed to go take a shower, his bedroom door opens and comes in Castiel, his clothes still all pink and his stupid crown crooked on his head.

“Hey, princess!” Dean can’t stop himself from saying.

“I need new clothes, Dean!”

“I can see that. I probably have some stuff that’ll fit you.”

“Thank you! But that’s not why I’m here.” he says, closing the door and getting closer to Dean’s bed.

“No?” Dean asks, sitting up.

“No… it’s about what you said. To the beast. Did you mean it?”

Dean is taken aback. He was kind of hoping that Cas hadn’t heard the screaming match he had with his father-like-thing. Which was a ridiculous thought to have really, since he was right next to them the whole time.

“You mean… about me and an angel of the Lord?”

“A powerful angel of the Lord… being in love or something.” he offers with a shy smile.

“Well… what if it’s true?”

“That’d make me very happy.”

“That makes two of us then.”

Right at this moment, Dean doesn’t care if what’s going on between them could be deemed as sappy, romantic or worthy of the biggest chick flick to have ever been made. Because, in his book, what’s happening right now is all very manly. And if anybody thinks otherwise, they couldn’t be more wrong.

The man in his arms right now? Not a girl, thank you very much. He’s got stubble, which feels amazing on his lips and his tongue. His smell is musky and woodsy. He’s toned with strong pecs and abs, all hard lines and hairy patches of skin. And the hardness growing in his pink pants? He’ll dare you to find anything girly about that.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

_GABRIEL: Aaaaand… the end!_

_SAM: Oh, finally!!!_

_MARY: That was… painful._

_CROWLEY: I had a lot of fun myself._

_JODY: I do admit that at first, I thought it was funny. But then it was all… too much!_

_JO: I think I zoned out at some point. Probably right about when my father was mentioned._

_GABRIEL: Look, I don’t really care what you people think. I just know it’d be a great trick._

_SAM: Yeah! It’s always only fun for you!_

_GABRIEL: Those who survive, they do have better lives._

_CHUCK: I have to say, I’m not a fan of your extracurricular activities._

_GABRIEL: I was done with it. You asked for a story._

_CHUCK: I know… anyways, let’s take a little break, alright? I think pretty much everybody’s on edge right now._

_CROWLEY: Hey! What about me?_

_CHUCK: You’re next, no worries. Just a little break for everyone to calm down will be helpful I think. Beer, anyone?_

_CROWLEY: Whatever! I’ll have a scotch myself! Top of the shelf, yeah?_

_\---------------------------------------_

**Author's Note:**

> So many stolen stuff in that story… Supernatural, Super Mario Bros., Magnum P.I., The Little Mermaid, The Princess Bride… Name it, it's probably in there!
> 
> If the FBI comes looking for me, just tell them I went that way while I run this way, will you?
> 
> Thanks, I'll owe you one!!!


End file.
